Thursday, April 27, 2006
"i treat people like what" by lady at 08:56 p.m.

because none of my best friends talk to me anymore i kind of replaced them gradually with poohbear and luis. i love them pretty much semi-unconditionally, actually, that's targeted for poohbear; i know we're going to live together one day when i am going to smc, but that has to be a bad idea to a lot of people. i think he's really pretty because he is, really, he's beautiful and he thinks i am too, but a proximic-based infatuation, visual, and everything, isn't what invites one to bone another. it would take a lot for my immense affinity with nick in arizona to be pried by any pretty face anyhow. i wish that things would change entirely. is something bad ever happening to me because i do terrible things or is it because i'm in a bad place that makes me do bad things? do i do bad things, even - treating people like shit, being superior to one, backslapping most about anybody that crosses me slightly, taking out the anger from being slighted by a dyke that replaced me in my group of girlfriends who i always had to depend on and placing that anger to front a bunch. refusing to think none of them didn't deserve it... i don't really mind. most of them are naive, most of them are weak, all of them are deserving of my behavior. if they were better people i'd be a better person in front of them.